Well, I haven't written any poetry/songs to almost-completion recently. So, here are some snippets of recent--and not-so-recent--ideas.
We'll start with something probably a year and a half old? The rest are probably only a couple months old at most.
_________________________
~I think I said this before
I don't want to hear these conversations anymore
Continual forgiveness of a reacurring sin
Is weighing on my heart {My heart, oh so thin}
My hands are tied
This forgiveness bind me to
Forget what I thought of you
_________________________
Had you been there
{Waiting for the smile,
Reassurance.}
Under my window where your shadow
Should be standing--
Then you would know
_________________________
In the beginning I was created
And now I'm allowing
Myself to become
Outdated
_________________________
Oh, anonomous answer website
Do you ever feel wrong
In always doing what is right?
_________________________
Stop this pain
Stop this violence where it starts
It's spreading through my body--
You never said "I'm sorry"
Stop the deaths
The bitter gunmen in the hall
They are inheriting our misfortune
Because we never say we're sorry
_________________________
We dealt the same cards
Time after time
With the same result to the
Very last time
And why should we expect
To get anything other
Than what we already have
_________________________
Okay, here's something else old:
This is the last page
Fill it as best you can
The man who knew too much
Knew when this page came
What did he do--
Knowing this is the last page?
_________________________
And this next thing is not nearly finished. And it needs more revision.
The message said, "Wish you were here now
"It's the busiest of times,
"But I'm taking these few moments to write
"Like I told you I would
"And you know my word is good--
"Even without a promise"
Oh, how I wish . . . oh
How I wish
As you signed your name
That I could have been there
~To hold you hand
Fleeting life is precious, my friend
Never do we know
{This barrier comes to take}
Our grasp away
Oh, how I wish!
Oh, how I wish!
It was me there--not you.~
No response was planned
For you were coming home then
And I didn't know then
What now compels me to fill
All of these pages
With undecipherable, red writing
That will never heal
Your wounded sister, will never return
Your soul
~To hold you hand
Fleeting life is precious, my friend
Never do we know
{This barrier comes to take}
Our grasp away
Oh, how I wish!
Oh, how I wish!
It was me there--not you.~
And I will not wait until Saturday
To try understanding
What sewn faces can never say
And why the unspeakable happened today
Oh, how I wish . . . oh
How I wish
When God heard your name
He had a different plan
Oh, how I hate . . . Oh,
How I hate!
Time and distance
Heartbeats and breathing
What they will separate
And all they have canceled
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Friday, August 8, 2008
I met Hare Krishna at a Water Park
So, I went to the water park today. Originally, my friend Heather and I were going to a different one, but then it turned out no one else was and we decided on a less expensive option. We finished swimming around the same time as a large group of kids—thirty something. They were gathering in the parking lot as Heather and I waited for her sister to arrive, and we noticed their shirts said “Krishna” on the front, circled by smaller words. After a couple minutes of mingling by us they moved towards their vehicles on the other side of the parking lot. Now, I had been sitting there, thinking I should talk to them, but was too shy/afraid to approach someone. I was going to leave it be, but Heather said “that’s sad.” I asked her, and she meant that it was like a huge youth group event for them . . . but it was false. So, I asked her if we should go over there and talk to them and she said sure. Since I went to Dare2Share in February I knew kind of how I would talk to them.
We approached a girl and I asked her what Krishna was. She started to answer and then grabbed one of her friends, who in turn grabbed another. They said he was God, opalescent and everything good—that they learn like 72 different qualities. One girl said “but there are like 400” and another said, “No, there isn’t. He just only told us that many.” That’s what the small words were around the word Krishna. Stuff like “strength of the strong,” “intelligence of the intelligent.” By this time there was a small semi-circle in front of the two of us. Not long after a mother came over and started talking with me.
One of the first things I asked is if there was a beginning or end to their God, and they said no. They began to say how it is hard for our minds to comprehend that since we are limited to time, and I said that I believe God has no beginning or end. They were still kind of talking about the qualities of Krishna, but somehow the subject got on how one needs to give love to God. When I asked if it was because he loved us, the kids said yes. From this point on it was pretty much just the mom and I talking back and forth and some of the kids even left the little crowd who was listening. She said something that implied life before life on earth and I asked if that meant that they existed before they were born here, and she said yes. That they were beings in what was very hard to understand as her description of heaven, with God (Krishna.)
She said that Krishna created the earth for us . . . and we have some inward desire to experience the things that happen here. This part was rather vague. But what they were not vague about was that when they came in contact with “matter” they were stained, blemished and now had to earn the way back into “heaven.” I specifically asked if we had to earn the way, and she said yes. Basically, humans re-incarnate until they reach that certain state in which they give the unselfish, unconditional love enough to God and everyone else enough.
When she mentioned about how the earth began, I said how Christianity says that God created us to be with him, but when we sinned it separates us from him. She did not really interrupt me at this point. Once she said they had to be “good enough” I asked what they believe about Jesus. She said that he was a great “Devotee.” Here I said “Well, what about his claim to be Christ, the Son of God?” At this point she started getting more tense and frustrated, but not quite angry. Here she said how all of us are “sons of God” and began talking about how there are “different levels of knowledge.” I asked here what about the statement “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father, but through me.” And she really didn’t like this. She said that he was talking to the people in the crowd. And that he was a great Devotee, and went on the say how they have Devotees who disciple people who come down in a perfect line of disciples. When I said how Jesus died for the sins of mankind, so they could be forgiven she said that was the one major point wrong with Christianity—that how can you confess something and then keep doing it? Instead, she said, you have someone who helps you become more loving and unselfish. One of those disciple, Devotee people, like the kind that leads their services.
She also did not really answer when I asked, “So, if we’ve come in contact with matter and we are just completely lost, how can we ever get better or good enough?” She just kept saying it takes lots and lots of practice. Whenever I brought up Bible verses she said how there are the “different levels of understanding” and I asked if their sort of “Bible” was the highest level, she wouldn’t say that it was, just that there were different levels. This was her way of excusing Jesus claiming to be the way.
And on this note, it’s good to mention that when I asked if they believed if the God of Christianity, Buddah, Krishna etcetera are the same, she said they are not, they are just different titles for the one God. Yes, they are monotheistic. The way she said that Jesus was not really the way and that the gods are all just different names for one God makes it seem that if you end up at the perfect loving state you will get to “heaven” regardless of how you got there. After all, there is no need for forgiveness according to this, so why would there need to be one way?
I used to wonder how so many different religions have come into the world, but hearing more about Hare Krishna I realized that there is so much similar to the truth, but then the tiniest—yet most important things—will be just slightly different, making everything skewed. When we started finishing our conversation because they were leaving soon one of the girls gave us these tiny little cookies which Heather said tasted like Macadamia. They were so sweet that I ate mine very slowly. They also gave us home made banana nut bread, which I loved. Then they had to leave, so the lady asked for my phone number and I said how about e-mail address because that would work better. So, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and her name is Premananda.
I decided I want to avoid having phone conversations at all cost because then I have time to think, talk with my youth pastor, mom and dad, and pray before I respond. And just now, googling her e-mail address I found out that she must have a relatively high standing position in their community because her e-mail was at the bottom of one of the web pages to contact if attending a certain event.
All of this took place in slightly less than 20 minutes. After the fact Heather said she wouldn’t have known what to say, but I am extremely grateful that she was there. Because it was so good having someone by my side and without her I wouldn’t have gone over there at all. I would have ignored that urge. So, thank the one true God for friends. And thank God for the series they’ve been doing at church, because a lot of the stuff I said was stuff I just heard in the past two weeks! And thank God for Dare2Share because I wouldn’t have had a clue on how to approach them or speak with them. Dare2Share taught me how to show my respect and care for people while talking with them, and how to un-abrasively communicate through questions rather than talking at someone.
Well, thank you for reading all that! I just had to write it down really quick tonight before I forgot anything, so sorry if anything is confusing. And prayers are always appreciated. =]
Friday, August 08, 2008
We approached a girl and I asked her what Krishna was. She started to answer and then grabbed one of her friends, who in turn grabbed another. They said he was God, opalescent and everything good—that they learn like 72 different qualities. One girl said “but there are like 400” and another said, “No, there isn’t. He just only told us that many.” That’s what the small words were around the word Krishna. Stuff like “strength of the strong,” “intelligence of the intelligent.” By this time there was a small semi-circle in front of the two of us. Not long after a mother came over and started talking with me.
One of the first things I asked is if there was a beginning or end to their God, and they said no. They began to say how it is hard for our minds to comprehend that since we are limited to time, and I said that I believe God has no beginning or end. They were still kind of talking about the qualities of Krishna, but somehow the subject got on how one needs to give love to God. When I asked if it was because he loved us, the kids said yes. From this point on it was pretty much just the mom and I talking back and forth and some of the kids even left the little crowd who was listening. She said something that implied life before life on earth and I asked if that meant that they existed before they were born here, and she said yes. That they were beings in what was very hard to understand as her description of heaven, with God (Krishna.)
She said that Krishna created the earth for us . . . and we have some inward desire to experience the things that happen here. This part was rather vague. But what they were not vague about was that when they came in contact with “matter” they were stained, blemished and now had to earn the way back into “heaven.” I specifically asked if we had to earn the way, and she said yes. Basically, humans re-incarnate until they reach that certain state in which they give the unselfish, unconditional love enough to God and everyone else enough.
When she mentioned about how the earth began, I said how Christianity says that God created us to be with him, but when we sinned it separates us from him. She did not really interrupt me at this point. Once she said they had to be “good enough” I asked what they believe about Jesus. She said that he was a great “Devotee.” Here I said “Well, what about his claim to be Christ, the Son of God?” At this point she started getting more tense and frustrated, but not quite angry. Here she said how all of us are “sons of God” and began talking about how there are “different levels of knowledge.” I asked here what about the statement “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No man comes to the Father, but through me.” And she really didn’t like this. She said that he was talking to the people in the crowd. And that he was a great Devotee, and went on the say how they have Devotees who disciple people who come down in a perfect line of disciples. When I said how Jesus died for the sins of mankind, so they could be forgiven she said that was the one major point wrong with Christianity—that how can you confess something and then keep doing it? Instead, she said, you have someone who helps you become more loving and unselfish. One of those disciple, Devotee people, like the kind that leads their services.
She also did not really answer when I asked, “So, if we’ve come in contact with matter and we are just completely lost, how can we ever get better or good enough?” She just kept saying it takes lots and lots of practice. Whenever I brought up Bible verses she said how there are the “different levels of understanding” and I asked if their sort of “Bible” was the highest level, she wouldn’t say that it was, just that there were different levels. This was her way of excusing Jesus claiming to be the way.
And on this note, it’s good to mention that when I asked if they believed if the God of Christianity, Buddah, Krishna etcetera are the same, she said they are not, they are just different titles for the one God. Yes, they are monotheistic. The way she said that Jesus was not really the way and that the gods are all just different names for one God makes it seem that if you end up at the perfect loving state you will get to “heaven” regardless of how you got there. After all, there is no need for forgiveness according to this, so why would there need to be one way?
I used to wonder how so many different religions have come into the world, but hearing more about Hare Krishna I realized that there is so much similar to the truth, but then the tiniest—yet most important things—will be just slightly different, making everything skewed. When we started finishing our conversation because they were leaving soon one of the girls gave us these tiny little cookies which Heather said tasted like Macadamia. They were so sweet that I ate mine very slowly. They also gave us home made banana nut bread, which I loved. Then they had to leave, so the lady asked for my phone number and I said how about e-mail address because that would work better. So, we exchanged e-mail addresses, and her name is Premananda.
I decided I want to avoid having phone conversations at all cost because then I have time to think, talk with my youth pastor, mom and dad, and pray before I respond. And just now, googling her e-mail address I found out that she must have a relatively high standing position in their community because her e-mail was at the bottom of one of the web pages to contact if attending a certain event.
All of this took place in slightly less than 20 minutes. After the fact Heather said she wouldn’t have known what to say, but I am extremely grateful that she was there. Because it was so good having someone by my side and without her I wouldn’t have gone over there at all. I would have ignored that urge. So, thank the one true God for friends. And thank God for the series they’ve been doing at church, because a lot of the stuff I said was stuff I just heard in the past two weeks! And thank God for Dare2Share because I wouldn’t have had a clue on how to approach them or speak with them. Dare2Share taught me how to show my respect and care for people while talking with them, and how to un-abrasively communicate through questions rather than talking at someone.
Well, thank you for reading all that! I just had to write it down really quick tonight before I forgot anything, so sorry if anything is confusing. And prayers are always appreciated. =]
Friday, August 08, 2008
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Toothpaste and the Little Boat that went Too Far
I myself, being who I am, take questions about myself very seriously. Like the classic one man on the jury who insists on covering all the evidence in order to serve a proper judgement, I weigh out my words, carefully formulating an answer in my mind. I re-word it several times, and then finally put it to paper {or keyboard.} Now, when it comes to things like mission's trip applications, there is no exception to this behavior. Even when I go to fill it out a *second* time. That's right, one sweaty, brain wracking, 2-hour form filling marathon wasn't enough. But it seems to me it wasn't chance that my form was misplaced, because I need to learn something.
I decided to jump right in and knock the thing out. You see, I have this pleasant memory that works something like this: I deliberate and rehash so much that if I have to write it again, I can do so almost verbatim. It came in handy that time our computer crashed in eigth grade with my first draft of a memoir. Bingo! I re-wrote it.
So, in re-filling this form about what I expect to happen, my previous mission trip experience, and my relationship with Christ, my problem wasn't remembering the content, it was the content itself. {Which I had actually borrowed from something I wrote before} Trush is, the time I described where I go for "weeks without really reading my Bible"was taking place right then. And the constant communication was more like "intermittent chatter." Not that I'm not crazy about God, but ruts are so easily dug, and so terribly difficult to pull oneself out of.
As I was brushing my teeth I was thinking over how much I love being close to God, but also how much I am addicted to a lukewarm, depression-prone state of existence. And that whole "I do what I don't want to do, but I sadly do want to do, actually" Paul thing. {Romans 7:18-21} However, that is a different topic. Anyway, there I was covered in toothpaste--nearly--and I started making excuses; telling God how "the stuff I wrote on the form isn't so far off because I'm pretty much a good person. I know everyone sins, but I'm not that horrible . . ." And here I'd hear that small voice say how all sins are equal and I said, "but, I try. Aside from the inescapable sin, I'm a pretty good person, the kind people don't mind their teens being friends with . . ."
And I went on, ignoring for about a minute before I stopped brushing my teeth and stared at my toothpaste-fringed face and said, "Oh my gosh." It struck me I'm not a "good person." There is no "aside from the . . ." Because as good as I think I am, I haven't really been trying to actively seek God, or read my Bible. And even if I was, that would never make me "good enough" to take a break. I didn't jump off the deep end, but my boat has been drifting out to sea, content with the long, long rope coiled in the bottom of the boat, attached to the dock. I forgot that even with a rope, the further out you drift, the bigger the waves get. And with the rope keeping my boat from capsiding, I had the nerve to say I was pretty good with the oars!
So, right now I'm a bit shock with my lack of behavior, and am perfectly content to say I am terrible at rowing. There is no excuse for me to live lukewarm--especially not that I am "good." And if I hadn't already shoved the toothpaste tube in my silly mouth, I would have shoved the Bible because this is where I opened up to read when I went back into my room: Romans 3. I'm sure this was no accident because the commentary on verse 24 was like swallowing another tube of toothpaste--the pleasant, minty kind though.
I'm positive we're all familiar with this passage. In particular the part that says "all have sinned and fallen short." {v 23} The whole chapter expounds on that thought. We're just not "good" people--"There is none righteous, no, not one." {v 10} And I'm glad I don't have to be a "good" person to be accepted and loved by God. Because as strong-willed as I am, I would never make it.
So, God, I want to take this oportunity to thank You for all You've done for me, my friends, and people everywhere. Please help me not to take it for granted, but to remember and act on my thankfullness by seeking You and sharing You with those around me. I know I need Your strength to do this, so thank You in advance. Amen.
I decided to jump right in and knock the thing out. You see, I have this pleasant memory that works something like this: I deliberate and rehash so much that if I have to write it again, I can do so almost verbatim. It came in handy that time our computer crashed in eigth grade with my first draft of a memoir. Bingo! I re-wrote it.
So, in re-filling this form about what I expect to happen, my previous mission trip experience, and my relationship with Christ, my problem wasn't remembering the content, it was the content itself. {Which I had actually borrowed from something I wrote before} Trush is, the time I described where I go for "weeks without really reading my Bible"was taking place right then. And the constant communication was more like "intermittent chatter." Not that I'm not crazy about God, but ruts are so easily dug, and so terribly difficult to pull oneself out of.
As I was brushing my teeth I was thinking over how much I love being close to God, but also how much I am addicted to a lukewarm, depression-prone state of existence. And that whole "I do what I don't want to do, but I sadly do want to do, actually" Paul thing. {Romans 7:18-21} However, that is a different topic. Anyway, there I was covered in toothpaste--nearly--and I started making excuses; telling God how "the stuff I wrote on the form isn't so far off because I'm pretty much a good person. I know everyone sins, but I'm not that horrible . . ." And here I'd hear that small voice say how all sins are equal and I said, "but, I try. Aside from the inescapable sin, I'm a pretty good person, the kind people don't mind their teens being friends with . . ."
And I went on, ignoring for about a minute before I stopped brushing my teeth and stared at my toothpaste-fringed face and said, "Oh my gosh." It struck me I'm not a "good person." There is no "aside from the . . ." Because as good as I think I am, I haven't really been trying to actively seek God, or read my Bible. And even if I was, that would never make me "good enough" to take a break. I didn't jump off the deep end, but my boat has been drifting out to sea, content with the long, long rope coiled in the bottom of the boat, attached to the dock. I forgot that even with a rope, the further out you drift, the bigger the waves get. And with the rope keeping my boat from capsiding, I had the nerve to say I was pretty good with the oars!
So, right now I'm a bit shock with my lack of behavior, and am perfectly content to say I am terrible at rowing. There is no excuse for me to live lukewarm--especially not that I am "good." And if I hadn't already shoved the toothpaste tube in my silly mouth, I would have shoved the Bible because this is where I opened up to read when I went back into my room: Romans 3. I'm sure this was no accident because the commentary on verse 24 was like swallowing another tube of toothpaste--the pleasant, minty kind though.
I'm positive we're all familiar with this passage. In particular the part that says "all have sinned and fallen short." {v 23} The whole chapter expounds on that thought. We're just not "good" people--"There is none righteous, no, not one." {v 10} And I'm glad I don't have to be a "good" person to be accepted and loved by God. Because as strong-willed as I am, I would never make it.
So, God, I want to take this oportunity to thank You for all You've done for me, my friends, and people everywhere. Please help me not to take it for granted, but to remember and act on my thankfullness by seeking You and sharing You with those around me. I know I need Your strength to do this, so thank You in advance. Amen.
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